Human Hearts

"When your burden is heaviest, you can always lighten a little some other burden. At the times when you cannot see God, there is still open to you this sacred possibility, to show God; for it is the love and kindness of human hearts through which the divine reality comes home to men whether they name it or not. Let this thought then, stay with you: there may be times when you cannot find help, but there is no time when you cannot give help." - George S. Merriam

I can say that I have truly lived this over the last year. I have the best job in the world and I have the best outlet for keeping it all together. I have worked so hard to figure out how to live, how to love, how to walk into my new self. I can do it because I keep focusing on others. When I bury myself in Hannah's activities or my life around me I know God and Scott are always with me. Cheering me forward to my life.

This next two weeks will find me always surrounded by people who love me and want me to keep living forward. This circle of love will keep me going as I recall without trying the events of the last time Scott held me, hugged me, teased me, kissed me and walked out of my life in human form. I have been having flashes today of the watching them pull his truck out the pond. I will always suffer from PTSD. I am trying to fight, trying to keep my smile and know I am loved.

There are so many people I can lean on this week. I'm not sure what I need. I need someone to hold me up, anticipate and watch me very closely. I need someone who will make me smile, laugh and forget for brief moments of time. I want to live and celebrate a life that was about love! I don't want to grieve. I want to remember all the good times and not the trauma. I want to be me and know I am loved this week. I have made it this far. It isn't my time to be lost. I have a purpose and lives to continue touching. I am open to being loved and supported.

I ask to be surrounded by light and love, protect me, guide me and show me the way. Please help me make it through the trauma memories please remind me of happiness then and now. Help me keep my smile and look towards each day with a plan for the future! I have so much to keep giving to so many people. My life isn't about me, it's about giving to others. So the tears will flow but I know someone is always close with a tissue, a joke or even a flirty smile to give me courage! I may need a manicure though after holding on so tight. Maybe this week I just need to plant things in the yard and watch my birds. I will focus on one moment at a time again. I think it is where I am to keep living forward. I won't let a setback keep me down. I will live forward.