I Am Beautiful

Yes, apparently it's true! At least according to three of my Residents and my Mother-in-Law over the last 24 hours! I must have really needed to hear that! Yesterday and today I have felt like CRAP. I didn't bother with my hair, I washed it and left it curly. I don't even think I know the definition of makeup yet here are these people seeing me. One of the Residents told me it was the sparkle in my eyes. I was pretty but my eyes made me beautiful.

It has been very hard for me to drive out to see my in laws but Scott's sister called me today and my Mother-in-law fell and broke her hip. As soon as I could I went to the hospital to see her. She had me sitting on the end of her bed and we talked for an hour. I've never talked to her that long ever. She was so happy to see me and I feel horrible that I've been so in my own world not to see her. We talked about Scott and of course, I cried. I could feel Scott standing there with us. We talked about how he was around and loves us. I would do anything for her because I love Scott! He used to tease her constantly and she loved every minute of it. She kept saying how she was going to work hard because that is what he wants her to do! You see I'm not the only one who knows he's here. I just hate it as much as she does that he's gone. It was nice to sit there and talk to her for so long just the two of us. Our connection is our love for Scott. She knows how much I love him.

I miss that love so very much. I miss having a life. I miss being told that I'm beautiful just waking up in the morning. I miss being told I'm beautiful when I'm sick and can't move. Sounds selfish doesn't it! The thing is I don't usually care much about outward appearances. I can dress nice if I have to but my priority doesn't require impressing anyone. I miss having someone to talk do and do silly crazy things with. The thing I am realizing is that person doesn't have to be a love interest. It is possible to have friends like that. Silly crazy off the wall conversations make me smile. Today I missed my crazy self and my silly friends.

This week has been rough but I have lived. I just don't know what my life will be like tomorrow. I am living forward. Let's all live forward. It would just be nice to have that one person who makes me feel beautiful even the first thing in the morning when my hair stands straight up and I haven't brushed my teeth. That's love! That's true love! I miss true love but I will take those special people who tell me that I'm beautiful. It's a great boost for my spirits. I need a swift kick in the pants though to keep going.